too much

lately i've been feeling a bit overwhelmed. unlike some people its not really classes that are overwhelming me, since i am a theatre major, that rarely happens. its the musical and people in general that are doing it to me...i've really been trying not to let things get to me, or bother me at all...but, it hasn't really been working. the musical is coming along...i just keep getting really tense with all the dancing and the high notes and the people in it. one thing i cannot stand is when people try and do someone elses job, that has bugged me since i was a little kid. i think sometimes because im so nice i just let people push me around, even when im older than they are...also something that has bugged me since i was younger. i think because i am the youngest, i've always had this inner-instinct to try and act older than i am, but i think it just comes off as immature to some people, which is not what i want. but anyway, thats a completely different story. the other things that has been on my mind lately is feeling like a bad friend. i personally don't think i am, but its hard to feel like a good friend when there are so many people around constantly telling me the opposite. getting mad at me for not hanging out with them all the time, and just really minute things like that. i hate when people take one little thing and turn it into something else...i mean, i am doing my best. i've got a lot on my plate right now, i just wish people would understand it. another thing i've decided is that, there are no guys at campbell that remotely interest me, or are interested in me...i mean there are a couple, but i, in no way, reciprocate the emotion. which has always been the case with me, when a guy is really into me, about 90% of the time, im not into him... when i look around at other people on campus, and there are definitely a few strange ones and they have a significant other...i mean i think im pretty attractive, and normal...so, what is the problem. it bugs me because, when i was sortof back-sliding, i had tons of guys that were interested in me...but now that im growing closer to God, there isn't one in sight...what is He trying to teach me? i hope its not patience, because with all the weirdos i have dated in my lifetime i am pretty sure that i've learned patience and how to be strong willed. so what is it? i pray about it nightly, for the Lord to send me someone...i know it'll happen in His time...and like i've said before...it will seem "last minute" to me, but God doesn't have a "last minute" he's known all along and whatever happens is His will...and i have to start trusting that more instead of thinking too much. i think too much.

totally great.

so...this week has been very tiring, and its only tuesday. whenever i'm feeling like this, i find that musicals, hot tea, and good quotes to warm the heart, are good pick-me-ups. i am currently drinking some oh-so-fabulouso organic green tea with bits of mandarin orange in the tea bag, its ammmazing. I've been thinking a lot lately, especially while i've been working out like its my job. i've found that when i'm running on that elliptical about to keel over and pass out, that my mind is the most open to wandering and thinking about the most random things...in a good way though. so many times we all get so caught up in what we are doing, like a routine, that its hard to just stop. and feel. now, i am not one to be overly emotional, but as i am getting older and maturing, that things that used to be so minute in my thoughts, has now become a huge part of what i care about and what i think about....all of this is good though, its really good. i used to think that people that thought all the time, and pondered everything under the sun, were just crazy hippies. well i've turned out to be quite the hippie thinker then, if that is the case. everyone's starting to notice...i used to hide my emotions so much, to the point that it would really cause me to breakdown on the inside...a lot of it had to do with my self-esteem problems that i've been dealing with since i was about 12 years old...middle school really ruined me..i'm pretty sure that i want my kids homeschooled or something during those years, it was dreadful...but i am definitely becoming more aware of my emotions, how i am feeling about things, how others feel...i think its a bit of my maternal instinct coming out that i developed over the summer...my closest friends are one of my most prized possessions, i keep them so close to my heart now...i used to take the whole "best friend" thing for granted..for soo many years. now, its like they are apart of me, apart of my everyday life...without them, all these discovering, and emotional growing of my spirit and my heart would be a lot more lonely :)

whew...that was definitely a different kind of post haha...
well tonight i didn't get to work out, poot. but..we do have a whole hour of dancing tonite and we had it last night too...its real tough haha but i know i'll get it, eventually...i hope everything with you all is going fantastically!!! :) much love. always, me.

beautiful weekend...

this weekend was really nice. i hung out with my friend Carl. we went to downtown wilmington, and it was AWESOME.!!!. they have the best shops down there, my favorite is one called "Edge of Urge" i got a really sweet t-shirt...its hillarious click HERE to see it :)

then...we went to go see my baby Jad :) he lives in wilmington too, he goes to UNCW it was great to see him!

we came back saturday night-ish...then Sunday morning, Carl & I went to church. I really like that church, its very chill :) we got some lunch at the cafeteria with a few friends afterward...i worked out like a crazy woman sunday too...definately going back today, woo hoo!!

last night i hung out with my little sarah friend :) haha...i missed her this weekend...so we ate hummus and chatted about our weekends...got breakfast this morning...she said she could tell i was losing some weight, so that was exciting, cause i don't feel like i have but hey! :) haha maybe i am...hmmmm haha

alright...so i often get addicted to the dumbest music....and this time its a musical, called
Ragtime: The Musical ... it is ammmmazing tho!
*click that link!!*

okay...well im off to science lab :-X grrrrr ...then i get to work out, YAY! woot woot.
have a lovely day, mwah!
much looove.

rehearsals!!! :) ... and a few baby pictures

so rehearsal is getting into FULL swing...and...i am LOVING it.

a couple pics of joanna & I rehearsing (madame dubbonett & polly browne) :)

Jo, Dr. Morrow at the piano, & Charles (madame dubbonett & percival browne, me fathah)

One of the stage managers...haha good gracious

Joanna & I...obviously hard at work :)

oh and to make this a bit more random....here are some baby pics of me, when i was a little manateenee :)

now i am off to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep :) night night all

fun reekend!! :)

sit on the rurtle...? :)

this past reekend (weekend) was a really fun time...I went home with sarah this weekend to surprise her daddy for his birthday. we got there friday night and rang the doorbell and hid next to the door, his face was priceless haha...he was quite surprised, even if momma fergy did let a few things slip earlier that day like, "i've got to get the pillows ready for the girls" haha...precious :)

Sarah's aunt, & Chris and Lauren the happy couple :)

me and momma fergy

I got to hang out with the whole Ferg family :) they are great, love them. I met a lot of people this weekend from friends at her dads birthday party, and her aunt and uncle from alabama, to people at her church. I got to see Chase this weekend too, he's a sweetie :) he gave me a tshirt and sarah was real jealous haha, just kidding (rust ridding) :)

sarah didn't make those, just incase anyone was wondering :)

it's not frosting, it's art... :)

me and lauren...this is a real good pic, if i do say so myself! :) pretty ladies!!

Sarah's sister Lauren is great, we get along really well and we make really good funny cooky weird faces...and then take pictures of them haha...I'm really just friends with sarah so i can hang out with her awesome family, :) jk, but they are great...Her sister Maryn is cool too, and she has an ammmmmmmazing voice. She sang "Battle Hymn of the Republic" at church the other day....i was in shock, Sarah had to pick my jaw up off the floor and basically reattach it.

me and momma fergy! :)

I of course love sarahs parents too, they are hillarious...her mom calls me her little manateenee

:) ohhh yea... and I guess sarah is okay too :)

the ride home...ahhh goodtimes :)

i was trying to dance like sarrrrah...it just turned into another jami face tho :)

On a different note....Sarahs grandmother passed away yesterday morning...
You are all in my thoughts and prayers. She is in a better place and she is at peace. I love you all. :)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

i definately got THE LEAD IN THE MUSICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

how excited am i???? .... well lets see, on a scale of 1-10...im at about a 25!!!!!

i am Polly Browne in "The Boy Friend" .... i am sooooooo blessed beyond words, I can't wait to see what oppurtunities God is going to give me next!! He is so amazing!!! ... I've decided that I'm not going to change my major after all...and that I am going to try out for either Straw Hat - theatre company for the summer...or NCTC - north carolina theatre company....my profesors were very impressed with my voice and acting...and they have NO doubt that I can make it :) :)

When God closes a door he definately opens about 10 windows :) :)

thats all for now!!! i'm ouuuut.

much love!!!!
-jami-
aka - polly browne ;)